it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
