he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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