direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
