I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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