it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
