woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
