I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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