We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
