There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
