Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
