I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
