I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
