the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
