hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
