wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
