My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
