hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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