Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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