Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
