Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
