I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
