Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
