yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
