I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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