some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
