i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
