They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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