i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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