oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
