My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
