You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
