i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
