shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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