They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
