He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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