He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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