Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
