I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
