My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
