I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
