my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
