I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im six kinds of drunk right now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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