he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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