I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
