Betty ford says i'm here all night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He felt like a one man threesome
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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