dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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