I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
