Don't you send me to vm
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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