It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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