Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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