Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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