her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
